1. Text to Liz

    1. Patrick: Is he with you?
    2. Lizzie: He just got here.. I can't believe she left.
    3. Patrick: I have never wanted to hit a woman until this moment. I'm not going to ask if he's okay, I know he's not. Keep an eye on him, okay? I should be out of here soon.
     

  2. Text to Liz

    1. Patrick: Is he with you?
     

  3. Aw yeah, Jamaica yeahhhh

    professor-mike:

    You’re too tall to be Yoda, dude. -walks to the kitchen, opening the fridge- I have breast milk, water and… A lemon. -furrows his brow- Well, water is good. Here. -hands Patty a glass of water, taking a sip of his own- Calling him Skywalker is good, cursing is not. -smiles at the sight of Luke laughing- He’s my kid, he’ll always be cute, Dant.

    Aw, man. What if I talk through this one? -sits on the couch and grabs the toy Yoda he bought, using it to talk to Luke- Curse you must not, Skywalker. -smiles and takes the water- Well, he might not be so cute when he has his first temper tantrum at the grocery store. But we’ve got a while before any of that madness, don’t we, little man? -hands Luke the lightsaber rattle-

    (Source: prof-dant, via professor-mike-deactivated20130)

     
  4. Now I miss my kid.

    (Source: staticspace)

     

  5. Aw yeah, Jamaica yeahhhh

    professor-mike:

    prof-dant:

    -drops the box of stuff on the floor and snatches Luke away, making faces at him- Look at all the stuff I bought your kid, I’m the best friend ever. I think you’re Darth Vader though. Unless I’m secretly Luke’s father. -holds Luke up to his face for Mike to compare- Any resemblance?

    -gets the box from the floor, leaving it on the couch- I’m Anakin before he became Darth Vader. I’m too cute to be the actual Darth Vader. -smiles- Do you want a drink? Also, try to whisper, I love my wife, but if I wake her up, she will go all crazy murderer Canadian on me.

    -nods- Okay, makes sense. I want to be Yoda though. I’ll be the wise master and teach Skywalker the ways of the world. Isn’t that right, Skywalker? -laughs quietly- Yeah, I’ll have whatever you have. Will she murder me for buying all this shit? And for saying ‘shit’ in front of Skywalker? And for calling him Skywalker? Should I just go? -smirks, poking Luke’s nose- Man, they’re cute when they’re small.

    (via professor-mike-deactivated20130)

     

  6. Aw yeah, Jamaica yeahhhh

    professor-mike:

    prof-dant:

    I GOT HIM ALL THE THINGS, OKAY? JUST. I’M COMING OVER. -comes over because rp magic okay. knocks-

    -opens the door, holding Luke in one of his arms- LOOK LUKE, IT’S DARTH VADER!

    -drops the box of stuff on the floor and snatches Luke away, making faces at him- Look at all the stuff I bought your kid, I’m the best friend ever. I think you’re Darth Vader though. Unless I’m secretly Luke’s father. -holds Luke up to his face for Mike to compare- Any resemblance?

    (via professor-mike-deactivated20130)

     
  7. Star Wars mobile, lightsaber rattle, bib, little shoes, a yoda, and an R2D2 outfit.

    Only the best for baby Skywalker.

     

  8. Aw yeah, Jamaica yeahhhh

    professor-mike:

    prof-dant:

    CAN I COME SEE HIM RIGHT NOW? I KEEP BUYING THINGS FOR HIM I HAVE A BOX

    YEAH, CELIA’S ASLEEP, NOW’S A GOOD TIME. SHE STILL HAS SOME OF THE PREGNANCY HORMONES, IF YOU GET WHAT I MEAN. DID YOU GET HIM A LIGHTSABER?

    I GOT HIM ALL THE THINGS, OKAY? JUST. I’M COMING OVER. -comes over because rp magic okay. knocks-

    (via professor-mike-deactivated20130)

     
  9. Unfortunately, this is what a lot of my students’ essays sound like.

     
     

  10. Aw yeah, Jamaica yeahhhh

    professor-mike:

    prof-dant:

    DON’T BE JEALOUS YOU’RE STILL GONNA BE PALE AND SAD BRO

    EXCUSE ME FOR STAYING TO TAKE CARE OF MY NEW BORN CHILD WHO YOU STILL DIDN’T COME VISIT.

    CAN I COME SEE HIM RIGHT NOW? I KEEP BUYING THINGS FOR HIM I HAVE A BOX

    (via professor-mike-deactivated20130)